contents

– Features –

5 DADDY’S GLASSES — How to get them and quickly destroy them forever.

9 HIGH-FIVING STRANGERS — Meh.

12 DIAPER CHANGES — How to drag them out forever by flipping yourself over in one swift motion.

14 BOOBS — Never let her put them away.

16 EXPOSÉ — Amber teething necklaces: Just go along with it so they think it’s magic.

19 INTERVIEW — The kitty: Why she doesn’t like having her face squeezed. The answer may surprise you!

21 HUMOR PIECE — Being on a “schedule”: Ahahahahahaha.

24 CENTERFOLD — Thing of the Month: THE DUSTPAN!!!

– Departments –

26 SUCCESS STORIES — “How I got them to give up on sleep training for good.”

29 SAY WHAT?! — Four-letter words for you to file away until a vidchat with Grandma.

31 OUTFITS WE LOVE — to piss in.

33 TOY BEAT — The thing with the lights: It was fascinating last week, but not anymore! Also, get this organic endangered sea otter out of my goddamn face.

35 DEAR AIDEN — A seasoned two-year-old answers your toughest questions. This month: “Why do I have to stare at the back of the seat while we drive places?” and “What’s the deal with wind?”

38 BOOK REVIEW — Go the F**k to Sleep: Our reviewer gums it to a pulp. Also, Pat the Bunny and Goodnight Moon.

40 MOVIE TIME — Finding Dory: Is the terrifying shark in this one?

42 YUM YUM CORNER — Organic food pouches: Yes, they’re expensive, but you can still waste the shit out of them. Also, scrambled eggs: What in the ever-loving fuck? And: Can everything be food?

44 MUSIC TOWN — Are you really her only sunshine and what is this about being taken away? Also, what the heck is a bough and let’s locate one that won’t break.

Illustration by Byron O'Neill