Super-Happy Family Seeking Responsible, Experienced Nanny
We are looking for a summer nanny to watch our adorable seven-year-old son. Because youthful energy and charisma are important and we also value experience, the ideal candidate will be approximately 22 years old and have worked in professional childcare environments for roughly 15 years. Like most seven-year-old rascals, our charming boy likes to get into mischief that sometimes results in scrapes and cuts. As such, we would be most comfortable with a sitter certified in CPR, EMT training, and wilderness first aid. Preference will be given to diagnostic medical sonographers!
Seeking Near-Perfect Sitter for Three Fantastic Kids
Do you eat, sleep, and breathe Baby Einstein and Mozart for Very Advanced Infants? Is your biggest flaw that your laughter and happiness are too contagious? If so, you may have found your dream job! While our children are all 4 years of age or under, we feel it’s crucial that our sitter be multilingual. After all, asking a child, “Did you wet your pants?” in English is so pedestrian; asking it in French is trés classy! Given this, proficiency in at least two Romance languages is preferred. Latin or ancient (circa 9th-4th century B.C.) Greek is also acceptable.
Food-Conscious Family Looking for Childcare Help
My husband and I are both busy professionals who need a summer sitter for our 8- and 6-year-old daughters. Due to our long hours, we require a nanny who can arrive at our house around 7AM for breakfast prep and stay until 6:30 PM Monday through Friday until dinner cleanup is complete. We hope you like to cook! You will actually be required to cook. Our children are gluten-free, lactose-free, glucose-free, nut-free, organic, raw vegans. Please do not eat our food. We will provide you with a BPA-free lunch box in which to pack your own lunch.* We also expect that in your abundant free time you will attend to light household chores throughout the day, including vacuuming, laundry, and waxing the hardwood floors. (*We will subtract the cost of said lunch box from your first paycheck.)
Babysitting Job for a Female in Her Early Twenties
Are you a twenty-something female looking for a job as a sitter?! Great. I definitely have children and am finding a sitter for them. Long hair and nice feet preferred. Let’s meet for an interview in my secluded shack in the woods. No need to bring anyone with you, because I’m just a regular dad who for sure has kids for you to babysit.
Looking for Summer Sitter Interested in Working with Talented, Fun Kids
We have three children who will be going into sixth, fourth, and first grades next school year. Our children are exceptional, therefore we’re looking for an exceptional sitter—one who is willing to plan educational (and fun!) activities. Please be prepared to share a portfolio of activity plans at initial interview. Preference given to those who can play an instrument (we’re picturing maybe a harmonica on a neck strap that can be played simultaneously with a string instrument, but we’re flexible on that) and tap dance without showing signs of fatigue—and to those who are literally Bert the Chimney Sweep.
Seeking Qualified, Professional Summer Nanny
We are seeking a nanny who has adequate childcare credentials and qualifications to watch our 5-year-old twins, Kennedy and Margot. We recognize the crucial role that a nanny can play in a child’s development, therefore we would like you to send full transcripts from every university and secondary school you’ve attended. Please include a CV listing all of the peer-reviewed articles you’ve had published and longitudinal studies you’ve conducted related to educational readiness for preschoolers, the impacts of screen time on cognitive development, and any other relevant research. A PhD in early childhood development strongly preferred.
Summer Childcare Opportunity for a Reliable, Mature Sitter
We are looking to hire a summer caretaker for our young children. We take Internet safety seriously, so we’d prefer to not give out their ages or any other information about them on this public forum. Because you will be an influence on our children, your character is important to us. As such, we have devised a fair and reasonable interview process, which includes meeting your past three boyfriends (they can expect inquires regarding your most irritating habits and why your relationship ended), an initial interview/polygraph (with at least one retired F.B.I. agent present), and a full background check that is verified by two private investigators.
Illustration by Joseph Thomson