If Sara’s Favorite Cartoon Characters Attended Her Fourth Birthday Party

Dora: I’M INVITED TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY. WILL YOU HELP ME FIND IT?

Mickey: (chortling) I can’t wait to go to Sara’s fourth birthday party. Hot dog! Now, I just need a mouse-ka-tool to get me there. Should I use the bicycle, the giant bubble, or the purple sunglasses?

Dora: ACCORDING TO THE MAP, I NEED TO CROSS BELLBROOK TURNPIKE, HIKE THROUGH THE ABANDONED FOODMART PARKING LOT, AND SWIM ACROSS THE EAST RIVER TO GET TO GYMBOREE.

Mickey: That’s right! The giant bubble will help me get to the birthday party. Hot dog!

Caillou: I’m scared about going to this birthday party.

Caillou’s Father: You’ve been to ten birthday parties in the past month alone. You’ll be fine. Just be yourself.

Caillou: Yes, if I just “be myself,” everyone will like me.

Narrator: Daddy Pig and Peppa approach Sara’s birthday party.

Peppa: I just love birthday parties! I can’t wait to get all those presents.

Daddy Pig: Heh, heh, now Peppa, it isn’t your birthday party. Sara will be getting all the presents.

Peppa: That’s not fair!

Dora: BELLBROOK TURNPIKE. FOODMART PARKING LOT. EAST RIVER.

– – – –

Narrator: Everyone sits around the table for pizza and juice.

Caillou: Pizza! I like pizza. Pizza is good. (pause) Can someone help me eat it?

Narrator: Caillou’s father chews the pizza and regurgitates it into Caillou’s mouth.

Caillou’s Father: Good job, Caillou!

Narrator: Peppa loves pizza. Everyone loves pizza.

Peppa: Daddy? Is my piece of pizza bigger than all the others?

Daddy Pig: Heh heh, now Peppa, it’s not the size that counts.

Caillou: Owweeee! This juice is too cold! My brain hurts!

Dora: HOW MANY CUPS OF JUICE DO I HAVE? LET’S COUNT TOGETHER: UNO…DOS…TRES…QUATRO…CINCO CUPS OF JUICE.

– – – –

Narrator: Sara’s mother brings out the birthday cake.

Mickey: Let’s use a mouse-ka-tool to eat my cake. Should I use the hairdryer, the fork, or the baby elephant in a bikini?

Peppa: Daddy, there’s someone in the loo.

Daddy Pig: Have you tried knocking?

Peppa: I have, but she says she really needs to go.

Narrator: Nina needs to go. Everyone needs to go.

Daddy Pig: Oh, heh heh. I guess you’ll have to be patient, Peppa.

Peppa: Being patient is boring.

Mickey: That’s right! A baby elephant in a bikini will help me eat my cake.

– – – –

Caillou: Here’s your birthday present, Sara. It’s a ball. I want to play with it.

Caillou’s Father: Good job sharing her birthday present with her, Caillou.

Caillou: It’s MINE! I want it! Give it back to me!

Caillou’s Father: (handing the present back to him) I’m so proud of you, Caillou.

Peppa: My present is the best present ever!

Narrator: Peppa is proud of her present of rubber boots.

Peppa: It’s for jumping up and down in muddy puddles. (begins jumping up and down)

Gymboree Employee: Stop it! Get off the cake!

Dora: TE GUSTA MY REGALO? IT’S UNA FLOR FROM MY ABUELA.

Caillou: A flower? I love flowers! Can I have it? Can I? Can I?

Dora: IT’S FOR SARA.

Caillou: Daddy, the yelling girl won’t give me her flower.

Caillou’s Father: Caillou, I’m sure if you ask her nicely, she will give you the flower.

Dora: THE FLOWER IS FOR SARA. (Caillou grabs for the flower) NO SWIPING!

– – – –

Narrator: Sara’s father is handing out the goody bags. Caillou has already taken his.

Caillou: (emptying the contents on the floor)blue pencil? But my favorite color is green!

Caillou’s Father: You’re right, Caillou. Green is a better color than blue.

Dora: MY PENCIL ES VERDE.

Caillou: Hey! She got a green pencil. I want it!

Peppa: Now I want the green pencil, too.

Narrator: Oh dear. Everyone is fighting over the green pencil.

Caillou, Peppa, and Dora: (crashing through the party room window) MINE!!!!

Mickey: Oh, Toodles! Get me out of here!

Dora: (stabbing Caillou in the arm with the pencil) HIJO DE PUTA!

Caillou’s Father: See, Caillou? I told you she’d give you the pencil.

Caillou: Owwww!

Narrator: Caillou’s father brings over a doctor to look at him.

Doc McStuffins: Let’s see…your diagnosis is an acute case of douche-itis. The only way to get better is to let everyone at the party punch you in the face.

– – – –

Narrator: While Caillou is “getting better,” Sara’s father pays Gymboree an extra $600 to cover all damages.

Peppa: This was the best birthday party ever. Because I was here! (falls backwards on the floor, laughing)

Gymboree Employee: Please don’t do that where I’m trying to vacuum.

Dora: WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! HOORAY!

Caillou: Daddy, will my teeth grow back?

Mickey: Good job, everyone. We made it through the birthday party. Now I’m splitting the scene, I’m full of beans. See you real soon!

– – – –

Sara: Mommy, Daddy, maybe next year for my birthday, we can all stay home and sit quietly in our rooms until the day is over.

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