The first rule of Middle-Aged Dads’ Fight Club is… you do not talk about Middle-Aged Dads’ Fight Club.
The second rule of Middle-Aged Dads’ Fight Club is… seriously, please don’t tell my wife. She just got me these cargo shorts and if she finds out I ripped them here she’ll kill me.
Third rule of Middle-Aged Dads’ Fight Club: Nothing around the face. Some of us have family portraits tomorrow.
Fourth rule: I always forget this one.
Fifth Rule: Give me a second to catch my goddamn breath will you?
Sixth rule: Let’s just go with the don’t-tell-my-wife thing again.
Seventh rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to. Unless it’s Thursday night. I have to watch the kids. She’s got Pilates.
And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first night at Middle-Aged Dads’ Fight Club, you have to bring the Cool Ranch Doritos. Last time, Coogan forgot and all we had were those baby carrots Todd’s wife always sends him with.
Illustration by Rose Montgomery